And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
