Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
