no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize