I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
