I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
