I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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