I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
