My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
