so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize