Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
