So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize