I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
