i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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