then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
