You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
