no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
