The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
