She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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