yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your cock deserves a montage
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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