Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
