he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
