it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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