And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize