dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
