Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
