Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize