from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
