apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
