Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He better not be in your backpack
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
