can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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