it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
