you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
