Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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