No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
