Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
