i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
