ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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