I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize