Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the day after is always just damage control
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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