your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
from now on my penis is your penis
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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