I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
