we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We left an ass print on the piano.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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