Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(316): View more from Kansas

toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.

Fav 18 1452 5227
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(859): View more from Kentucky

he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"

Fav 47 1585 4639
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(702): View more from Nevada

Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.

Fav 7 4165 1072
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.

Fav 9 1262 3574
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(613): View more from Ontario

Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.

Fav 21 1050 9825
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(847): View more from Illinois

Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"

Fav 5 2474 1232
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(626): View more from California

You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin

Fav 6 2619 1320
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(913): View more from Kansas

Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.

Fav 2 375 252
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(812): View more from Indiana

Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.

Fav 0 35 13
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