Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
