I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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