Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
