i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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