Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just found puke in my bra..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
