Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
