How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
