i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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