Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
