I am puke
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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