My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
