Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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