just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
