yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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