I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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