Nicole vs. Life
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
