Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
