i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
