did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
