I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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