Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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