two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
