Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
