I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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