you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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