Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
