Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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