i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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