Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
