Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
