I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
