Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
