My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize