I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
