She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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