I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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